Eythor’s Latest Dilemma: his wife and his boss are lovers!

In this week’s blog post, I’m going to forgo with my usual installment of History’s Most Outrageous and Powerful Women, and instead, we are going to examine the greater details of our friend, Eythor’s, spiraling-out-of-control-relationship with his wife.

If you’ve been following the last couple posts, Eythor came to me awhile back asking for some general advice on how to deal with his unfaithful wife having sex with his neighbor. Come to find out, not only is his rival a neighbor but he’s Eythor’s boss, as well! Yes, this complicates things somewhat, it’s true, though my advice -until yesterday- remained the same: don’t criticize her but place the blame on your shoulders and then step out of your pain and find out where she is at.

Good advice, right? Instead of pointing fingers at her, point them at yourself, clean up your own act and realize where and why You sent your wife into another man’s arms. And the comments I received buoyed that opinion: ‘yeah, Eythor should man up’, ‘You were right, Milt, don’t act like a wimp, Eythor!’ and various other comments that reflected agreement with my approach.

However…

Yes, I opened my emails earlier this week and found a fucking soap opera, and not a very pleasant one! Yes, Eythor had not taken any of my advice, I learned, and rather, did what he should not have done, the very last thing one does if you really have any thought or hope of saving your marriage: he video-taped his wife and boss snuggling in her car, then demanded she explain herself after he forced her to see it!

Yep, not good, operating from a position of real weakness, and going straight to the accusation, wow…

Well, with his permission, here’s the meat of the email:

“…so I hit her with this surprise, I made her look at it and then asked her to her face what was going on. Milton, I think I made a very large mistake, because I now realize I was acting irrationally when I should have been, as you have suggested, more measured and cool. I should have done EXACTLY as you said and never questioned it, and THEN she might have changed her actions.

I was not prepared for her reaction, and actually I don’t know what I expected but the last thing I wanted to hear was, ‘So that is why you have been acting like a child. Well, now you know’ and then her simply getting up without another word and walking DIRECTLY over to his house. This man, Milton, is my employer!!! I shouted out to her as she entered his home something I am not very proud of now, and I just wish there was a way to take this all back. AND, what NOW hurts is the note I found in my car later that day, which she had wrotten the DAY BEFORE, saying that she deeply loved who I am and was very willing to try to renew the ‘spirit’ of our marriage, if I would only talk truth to her about why I was the way I am now. MY GOD MILTON!!! You were right, right, right, I should have come to her and admitted my fears and insecurities, I should have stopped, as you SAID, with my own pain and done something to understand HERS, just as you said, everything you said was right, right, right, BUT MY PRIDE, MILTON, my pride was too hurt and I could not be the man I know I should be and now I have seen the end: her walking into his arms! And now, on Monday, I must go into work and be a good employee, I have no choice as the day BEFORE I promised the office I would be in Monday. YET HOW CAN I, MILTON, HOW???????? I will be humiliated at work, this man is a border-line thug, very aggressive. I must keep my job, somehow I must, but how do I look at him? I am sick with fear and worry, SICK, and now on top of all that, I am ashamed of myself. Yes I am, ashamed that I had my chance once and passed it by, and now ashamed again that instead of taking your excellent opinions, I did the reverse, I became a child, just as she said, and now, watching him take her in his arms, now, Milton, I feel only shame. I have failed. She is now cold to me, I waited too long. She is going to be with him all weekend and the last thing she said this morning, she would not even look at me, was, ‘I expect you on Monday to do whatever you must to ensure your job. Be a man about your job. I will not stop dating B, and I am not interested in divorce, at least now. Maybe later; it depends on you’.

Milton, I cannot breathe, I cannot…”

I will cut short the remainder of his email, for it is a repetition of his grief, cascading into oblivion. He concludes his tome with this thought:

“But, from now on, I promise, Milton, I will do without question whatever you say to me to do. Whatever it is, I will promise to perform it. I will.”

Let me take the kindest road I can in saying to Eythor, “Yes, friend, you did make some mistakes, but you are not the only man who’s done what he shouldn’t have done and, judging from the details of your situation, your reason never stood a chance against your emotions. Truthfully, for most of us men, when something like this occurs, something life-altering and damn near life-threatening, the impact is equally as severe.”

(Now, I should tell you that I wrote Eythor and asked for some confirmation of his story, as I’ve dealt with several ‘Internet catastrophes’ before, guys who are simply looking to soak up my time with non-existent fantasy stories, common enough now on the many cuckold-themed websites anyone can easily dial up these days, and who really have no crisis to overcome. Eythor gave me the phone number of his work, which I dutifully called and quickly learned that he does work there and has been on leave but is due in, yes, Monday morning. I also checked out the Facebook links to his wife AND boss’ pages; geez, what an arrogant prick this guy is, has a picture of he and Eythor’s wife, arms around each other at what appears to be a picnic. Brazen, indeed. I was also concerned about Eythor’s safety, as I sensed here was a guy way out of touch with himself, with serious pride and denial issues, the kind of guy who, in a crisis this severe, goes straight to a gun or a drive off the cliff as a means to end his torment.)

No, not gonna let Eythor blow his brains out, no coward’s act for any of my people, yet what do I say now that the situation has reached this stage? Well, friends, having been down the betrayal road before, and having counseled and spoke with however many afflicted men over the years, believe me I am deeply empathetic to a man’s suffering, and I understand my advice -while excellent of course- is often far beyond what a man dying from infidelity is capable of performing. Still, my role remains firm along with my advice; in fact, here is the bulk of the email I replied to him with:

“…thus, you have already decided how this will unfold, whether you accept or understand it or not. Intellectually you knew you should come to her and confess and then listen to her without blame, but emotionally you were not mature enough. You still aren’t, and honestly, Eythor, you won’t be for some time. So, what you can do is to take one of 3 roads:

1) Stay in your existent life right now, go to work on Monday and be a professional in every respect, no complaining, no scenes, nothing ugly, and act supportive in your home to your wife and gradually show her that you are interested in her as a person and not simply as your property, and that you do care why she has gone out of your marriage to seek pleasure, that you’re not going to blame her for whatever she chose to do but you are going to forgive both her and yourself and, from now forward, do whatever it takes to be the man she fell in love with, a man capable of overcoming this rough road and becoming a Good Partner to her. This man stays out of her way, encourages her to continue to seek and enjoy her pleasures, and from whomever she chooses, and without your interference and/or participation to any degree.

2) All of the above advice EXCEPT you step in with your wife and PARTICIPATE in her pleasurable escapades. Yes, in other words, you help facilitate her sexual adventures, maybe even jumping into the sack with her and her boss, sure, why not enjoy her expanding sexuality, too? Maybe this is just the jump-start you both need to expand your sexual horizons. Why not flip it all over, admit what a putz you’ve been but now that she has ‘flowered’, why, you want to as well, as long as it’s only with her, IF she is willing to allow you entrance into the new world which she is creating, of course. That’s a big ‘if’, Eythor, for a lot of women, once they have tasted sexual freedom, simply cannot then return to any form of sexual exercise with their husbands. You just won’t know until you try it, and it might just become THE THING your marriage needed. One important thing to remember: never allow any outsider to inject their judgment of your ‘new’ actions’ upon you. It ain’t nobody’s business, friend, what how when and with whom you and your wife decide to do whatever it is you decide to do.

3) This very instant, pack your valuables into your car, leave a kind and thoughtful note of explanation to your wife blaming yourself entirely, call the office and tell them you quit and then get the fuck out of the city and even the state you’ve been living in, and start all over. Now. And do not EVER contact your wife with anything less than civil, objective and generous language, for all YOU have put her through, understand? Then, no moaning, no crying, just find another job, let the past fade, let her divorce you, whatever, but leave her to her new life as you begin yours, BUT NO WHINING!

I never ‘tell’ anyone what to do, Eythor, I spell out the best possibilities, I kick you in your prideful ass and show you what you should do, but I always leave it to you to choose. Write me in a week with the aftermath, and not sooner, Milt”

It will be interesting to see what transpires in a week’s time. Any bets on what Eythor will do? Oh, I have my own inkling, so send your thoughts along and with next week’s post, we’ll see how our friend has handled this, one of if not THE greatest crisis a man can face:

When your wife has sex with another man!

~

Still no official word for the release date of my book, How High Should I Jump? The Satirical Guide to Pleasing Today’s Woman by Seaburn Books in NYC. Yeah, I know I gotta be patient and wait my turn, but man, I got people like Eythor who damn well NEED this book, and right now! I guess it’ll be there when it is and until then, let us…press onward!

Oh, and the Giants are up 3-0 against the vaunted and heavily-favored Detroit Tigers. Geez, all I read all week was how the big, bad Tigers were gonna sweep the Giants, show ’em how real AL baseball is played, how the Giants are lucky and don’t deserve to be on the same field as the team that beat the Yankees but just you wait till the real Tigers wake up, all that hype and horse-shit. I see, uh, how well that’s goin…

Fuck ’em, sweep their asses, go Giants!

Comments
6 Responses to “Eythor’s Latest Dilemma: his wife and his boss are lovers!”
  1. the Mik says:

    yo this Ethor is a fuking loser! You already tolded him the best thing to do, leave the bitch, but he too stupid, too lame. Yu no what I think now? He like to be a wimp, maybe he like to be the bitch!!! Serious, this dudes a fool, get some balls!!!

  2. the Mik says:

    Yo Milton, you Giants swept the Tigers!!! Congratulations man you must be livin large today!!! Great victry dude, the pitchers were unhitable!!!!!

  3. mellissa says:

    Mr. Quibner, I was checking and is that Myron Moron the famous wacky comic from the ’80s? I saw him in San Francisco, he was really out there. Is that the same guy? You would think a guy that luny would be dead by now..

    Is there any knowing when I can get your book? I think it will be just what my Boyfriend needs, he’s such a sexist and thinks he’s always right. Looking forward to it, M

  4. Myron the moron says:

    Milissa I am,the same guy myron the moron . I like my ladys pussy to look like don king the booking promoter. When I make her cumm her pussy hair stands straight up. The more I make her cumm it gets higher. Ps the fun part is licking it down I love the don king pussy money hole . gold fish fly out of it As my pay. Who want to try it with me. I will bring my tongue Love myron the moron

  5. melissa says:

    Thats so cool, I saw you on stage when huge, angry guys were throwing tomatoes at you!!! It seemed like you didn’t even feel them hitting you, maybe you were wasted! Anyway, you write kinda funny. Are you stil doing comedy and the tomato throwing?

  6. Myron the moron says:

    Mellissa as a person I was not wasted I was in the moment. To days word kinda got harder on . The vagina is kinda sweet tasteing .I kinda think ass holes in the world try to out do there anal hole by being more ass holeish. I Kind want to fuck my hand to night the left and right you no fuck it. thats what im going to do it dont bich at me and it work harder when I ask it’. Cumm in my hand bich. That kind fuck up .

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