More on the Chantel Rhondeau interview, and the Dating Dilemma Facing Modern Women

Hey friends, hope you all had a great week and are ready for a high-scoring Super Bowl victory by the San Francisco Forty Niners! Indeed and we shall get to that but let’s first go over some news and an issue or two of import.

Gotta thank Chantel Rhondeau for her well-written and timely interview with me last week on her blog. The response has been more than I could expect and I now have a new group of readers I may never have reached without Chantel’s assistance. A hearty “Thank you!” to this fine romance novelist/blogger.

I’d like to direct your attention to her blog, for those interested in reviewing this short but powerful interview:

Several emails this week from men, and a woman, complaining of having dating problems, all centered around men struggling with identity issues. This hits at the core of my work, so rather than replying at length to each of my distressed emailers, I will attempt to address the essence of the problem, here, while mentioning I have created a short YouTube message about what I call the ‘Dating Dilemma facing Modern Women‘, which I think you’ll find relevant.

Janice E says, “I love your book so far, you’re hitting it RIGHT on the head: men just have no clear idea of who they should be, and you do a great job identifying their options. Just wish the lame guys I’ve been seeing had already read this!!!”

Martin K says, “…But there’s nothing worse for me then just not knowing who the ‘real” me is, maybe you can understand that, but I’m almost like 7 different people depending on what is going on…”

And finally, Heath P says, “She got me the book probably more as a joke at first but when we started reading it, 2 things exploded at us: the lack of creativity in our sex lives, and how ‘mushy’ I was acting around her. She really took off on that and all week kept adding more details to how much of a ‘boot-licker’ I was becoming and not really knowing it. I kept defending myself and saying “But I’m just trying to figure out who you want me to be” and then she just finally killed me with this, ‘You should just be who you are!!!” But like I said, I almost don’t know who the fuck I am, you know?”

Yes, Heath, I do, and to Martin and Janice, believe me, I hear where you are coming from as well, profoundly. As I state in my YouTube message, I believe this is the greatest single issue modern men will face in their lifetime, for until this is resolved, they will flounder in all facets of their lives: determining who you are, and are not.

Not what you want to BECOME, but who you actually ARE, that unchanging essence that lies beyond the temporal world of changing careers and lifestyles like one changes clothes. No, we are talking here about the Realm of Being, who one Is at one’s essence, and where once this type of introspection -natural in all people everywhere- was greeted in education, religion and philosophy with a myriad of possibilities for exploration, today you are almost expected to have a clear understanding of who you are yet without the problem of actually identifying your essence ever having been provided with any decent tools and, more importantly, the mindset to take on the task. Nobody here, especially men, can afford to take the time to stray from the demands of the working lifestyle to ponder one’s existence carefully and leisurely, and this lack of Attention to Being, if you will, has now caused severe character problems in men. Where once a man understood, via his mentors, family, upbringing and conditions, just what and who he was and wasn’t, today and living in this world of unlimited possibility where people have been blinded by the idea that one can ‘be all you can be‘, the issue itself can be a shocking discovery, as the very tools of self-discovery have been perverted and largely hidden. In truth, those tools are now in the hands of psycho-babblers and New Agers who charge heavy coin for their access, whereas in the old days, hell, all you had to do was approach a Master and say, “I want to learn” and you would be allowed to do just that.

I have no immediate solutions, for there are none, as philosophers from Heraclictus on down have noted. No, the issue of the study of our Being is not one of solutions and calls to action, for the study of Being takes one off the track of Doing and Achieving and Becoming. At best, all anyone can really ‘do’ is to identify the problem and then offer clues as to how others of previous eras dealt with it. Today, in perhaps the most un-philosophical period in Western Civilization, we are far from having available even the concept that we should be understanding the nature of our Being. This alone should be a cause for both sadness, and hope.

Women since the Sexual Revolution, of course, have been leading the charge in their own personal discovery of themselves and who they are, but we men have not enjoyed the same dedication to self that women have been pursuing, and while we externally did what we could to keep pace with women, we only recently have turned to a sincere philosophical enquiry into the Being of Maleness, and what is revealed…well, it ain’t pretty and here again we’ve come to the crux of my message, which I will leave here for your perusal:

Until a body of men have examined themselves ‘ontologically’ and have decided they are ok being who they are and are not and have developed the courage to declare, “We audited ourselves, found what was lacking and are now embracing who we actually are while throwing away whatever phony illusions we’ve been propping up,” until this occurs en masse, we will have continued great confusion among the many wandering males, and high-level competition for the few guys who do understand themselves and are not afraid to show some self-diffidence, the sexiest quality a man can have.

Much more on this theme in the coming Weeks, believe me, we have only scratched the surface here, friends!

I will hold off on a couple other exciting new details and events, for I am zooming over to a long-awaited pre-game Super Bowl party where I will be serving as Master of Ceremonies for a number of dedicated Forty Niner fans, and one very belligerent and ill-informed Ravens fan. Yes, I’ll do my best to make sure her day is as uncomfortable as I can make it; ‘course, should her Ravens somehow achieve an improbable victory over the vastly-superior San Francisco team, I will accordingly be feasting, for the next few days, not on roast Raven but deep-fried Crow!

Go Niners!

One Response to “More on the Chantel Rhondeau interview, and the Dating Dilemma Facing Modern Women”
  1. Love this blog, Milton. Thank you xoxoox Susan

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