More reflections from Brasil

Hey everybody, what a wonderful week, I hope you all enjoyed yourselves like I did! It is great to be back in the states but the contrasts between here and the 3rd World are so marked that I will be commenting here today and making a YouTube piece in addition on the subject.

The emails this week were almost singular: everybody wants to know the details of my ‘fight’ with Sergio Bittincourt at the Changing Faces of Sexuality Conference in Brasil. I have asked the director, Dr. Waldir Bleyer, for a full audio copy of the events I participated in, especially our ‘showdown’ and as soon as I get it, I will post it in entirety. Don’t know when that will be, however, so in the meantime, I will attempt to recapture the essence of those wild few days in Itapema, Brasil.

My talk was on ‘The Crisis of Self-Confidence in Modern Men‘ and the audience was energetic and, even with my crude Portuguese, they seemed to ‘get’ what I was saying and the question-and-answer phase clearly proved this, with so many people firing really good questions and remarks to me. The gist was that, while we American Males may be suffering and wallowing about, the Brasilian male feels no such crisis and is, in effect, feeling great about themselves. I engaged one young couple, the man standing his ground and suggesting that Americans needed to become more like Brasilian men, who demand obedience from their women and don’t tolerate extra-marital shenanigans, though they are free to explore other women if they choose (a belief that was both echoed and powerfully reinforced by Sergio B, by the way).

This drew a mix of reactions from the audience: many, including most of the women, howled in derision at this guy and even accused him of holding back women, but there were a handful of men and women, strangely, who defended this guy, saying in essence that ‘it is a Brasilian tradition, something from our culture, for men to do as they please yet demand monogamy from their women’.

Really? That’s one custom I’d like to see changed!

Anyway, the evening would have descended into sheer madness had not Dr. Bleyer intervened and separated the sides enough that I could continue. I will say this for Brasilians, men and women: everybody has an opinion, and everybody likes to share theirs, wow! No, I had a lot of fun that bight and enjoyed the fiery interplay; even Sergio’s rather demanding tone I could handle in good fun, though you could tell he really wanted to show his friends his ‘superior intellect’.

The next day, he got his chance, and then some! I was joined on stage by Sergio and a pair of local sex workers, Adriana Calcinha and Maderieros De Luna, and man, the fireworks hit the fan! These women just would not sit for Sergio’s ‘serial monogamy’ philosophy, which allows him unfettered access to as many women as he chooses while insisting that each women in his harem be faithfully monogamous to him.

“This is how God made the world, for men to rule and live freely while women serve them. It is in the bible!” he declared proudly. Calcihna, even more than me, just attacked this guy for his ‘ancient machismo’, but Sergio clearly did not respect these and, in truth, all the women in the room. I was cool, polite and probably way too reasonable...until, that is, he accused my wife of being a whore, and like I said last week, I lost it, and I rarely do but this guy just got to me, his whole smug “I’m better than you because God loves me” horse-shit, geez! Dr. Bleyer finally took the mike from him and made a joke which eased the tensions, but the damage was done and while I kept my cool the rest of the evening, I made sure to leave those people at the conference KNOWING that Sergio’s philosophy was one of enslavement and is not one women anywhere would agree to once they understood there is no reason to be treated like a fucking slave…pardon me!

(I’m looking forward to hearing the audio tape, to refresh my memory and glean it for interesting comments, which were many and coming at me fast and furious!)

The next day, I was sitting outside the Clinica Nova Sexualogia in front of the beach talking with Dr. Bleyer when who should show up but Sergio, looking for me! We had a nice exchange, Sergio was interested to learn how I came about the views I now have and we actually had a pleasant talk; even with the back-and-forth antagonism, we didn’t come to blows, though we could have until he apologized for insulting my wife, who he had never met!

That is something I have come to love about Brasilians: they are explosive and direct in their opinions, but they show very little lasting resentment or enmity if there’s disagreement, easily able to ‘agree to disagree’ while not letting anything spoil their enjoyment of life. This, friends, we need to adopt HERE and NOW, this sense of appreciation for one another, of wanting to actually know their friends and especially new acquaintances. I can’t tell you how many people I met and instantly felt a connection with; you can feel this sense of almost naïve simplicity, a lack of our pernicious, distrustful, competitive cynicism surely, and it is refreshing for its honesty.

Obviously I believe the Brasilian male is, in most cases, a dinosaur living in the remote past and in great need of catching up with the rest of us, who have freed women and are supporting them in their efforts to explore and enjoy their worlds. While I received a lot of good-natured ribbing for my views, most of the men, save Sergio and a few others, realize the truth of my assertions, especially from the comments of the women at the conference. Brasilian women who have had a taste of freedom are even more determined to change the culture of Brasil; this was evident by the exchanges between those ‘freer’ Brasilian women and those still defending the culture of rigid machismo-ism or whatever you may call it. No, even these women, when their ‘enslavement’ was pointed out to them, clearly were uncomfortable continuing to defend their men but really couldn’t voice anything but conformity; kinda sad to see but I said nothing even though I had a lot to say.

All told, I had a great time in Brasil and will be going back. I would advise anyone looking for adventure to a take a trip to Brasil, where you will meet lovely and engaging people that will restore your sense of humanity, IF you do everything in your power to leave your arrogant, demanding Americanisms behind, which means, learn the language, force yourself to participate as long as they want to participate with you, and most importantly, put away your clocks, watches and time pieces, because Brasil -and most if not all of the 3rd World- does not chain themselves to the machinations of Time. You say “I want you here at 10 AM,” well, the Brasilian may show up at noon, if at all, and will not apologize for ‘being late’, for being late in Brasil, where Time is suspended and often forgotten altogether, is meaningless.

But don’t take my word for it, book tickets now for next year’s World Cup, followed a couple years later by the Olympics, and see for yourself.

Till next week, everybody, enjoy your lives and learn to enjoy and appreciate your friends and neighbors. THIS, friends, is what ‘being spiritual’ actually means!

And by the way, I wanted to add a really funny cartoon from Brian White over at; I quite enjoy his artwork, and hope you do, too:



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  1. […] More reflections from Brasil written par American guy…… […]

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