Death is staring at you, becoming willing, and the problems of female Viagra

Hey everybody, hope your week went well, as mine was wonderful. Still enjoying the glow from my time out in the desert; there is nothing like that clean, soaring energy from becoming cleansed with sage and desert sand…

Wow, tons of emails this week, too, which I’ll get to shortly. I want to thank Sara Troy at PositiveLivingRadio for the excellent interview we did earlier in the week. I’m hoping to post the entire 1 hour piece soon, but Sara and I seem to have a nice affinity with each other, so you may be hearing yours truly on her show several more times.

On to the emails:

Marisella J asks, “Milton, my husband is just not willing to change who he is. Maybe not who he is down deep but he just isn’t willing to try new things, new experiences and mostly, new thoughts. Your book shook him up, he doesn’t even want to talk about it, any advice please?”

Odd that you would mention ‘willingness‘, Marisella, as I spent some time on Sara Troy’s radio show speaking about this very theme. You are not alone, dear, nor is he some odd-ball character; many men are now facing completely new social and personal conditions for which they do not feel ready to accept, and thus, they don’t, and their stubbornness to change can lead to real issues. I realize I slam men in my book with some thoughts they have never encountered before, and those thoughts can be unsettling and for a long time, a mirror cast before you that, try as you may, you just can’t hide from.

That was my intent, Marisella, to unsettle and shock a man’s status quo in a humorous way. Advice? Back off, don’t keep shoving the book or its ‘unsettling thoughts’ in his face, BUT, periodically refer to it/its themes, and let him know you want him to grow and, importantly, you know he can. Point out GENTLY the areas you want him to improve in, and be patient. Men eventually do what is right, they just need to be able to do it on their own terms and time-lines; there is nothing that will guarantee a fight and continued stubbornness like a woman standing over her man and EXPECTING some change WHEN they expect it.

I often say to men wallowing and shamelessly paralysed in inactivity:

You must not dawdle and live as if you have all the time in the world to get to whatever it is you know you should/want to be getting to (even though it’s true, it doesn’t really matter unless YOU make it matte)r; still, you must not dawdle here, you must live as if today is your last day, what are you waiting for anyway? Why are you putting off whatever it is you’re putting off? Why waste time when you could be getting to, through and beyond whatever it is that’s keeping you stuck in place? You have Death staring at you, you WILL be dead soon, and you will have wasted the chances you had lingering in indecisiveness, no, they never come back, our opportunities, especially when we is dead

More on this later in the post but paralleling this theme was a question from Christiani L, who asks, “Milt, my boyfriend spends all his time watching sports and then when we are in bed, listening to sports radio. He is a good sexual pleaser but I just think he is spending too much time with sports. Do you agree and how do I make him change?”

I agree only in the sense that he may be spending too much time PASSIVELY participating in sports. If all he does is watch/listen and never take part in sports or physical activities, yeah, this IS a problem. If he does both, say, he loves playing baseball/softball and regularly plays as well as following a favorite team, I do not see a real problem, unless he truly is spending 16 hours a day or whatever drenched in all things sports.

This is a huge philosophical problem for modern men: where do we focus our inherent hunter/aggressive instincts? Hunting and war have always been the domains of men, the vehicles by which men expressed their rage and competitiveness; nowadays, however, the vast majority of men do not experience the rite of passage that war is, one that all men once did routinely, nor do men hunt anymore, with the exception of a very few outdoorsmen.

I hear this from many women, my own wife rips for my Giants ‘addiction’, but in this case, I defend myself and all men by saying, “I need it, I am not addicted but I need the connection to physical competitiveness, and if you take that away or make it restricted, you limit me.” I am not saying I need unlimited time every day to luxuriate in the sports world, but I do believe men must be given their space to express themselves in this way, in a balanced way, of course, which also means getting out of the house and participating ACTIVELY in the activity along with following a sport or sports passively or as the audience.

Thus, allow your man to have his time with sports and lead him to other activities GENTLY, rather than making demands and endlessly criticizing him. He’ll only dig in deeper and become sneakier in his sports ‘addiction’, which is counter-productive to what you’re trying to create, right?

(You’ll notice I have used the capitalized word GENTLY more than once; I hope this is a clue to how men should be treated, ladies…)

Steve B writes in, “Milt, I’m sure you’ve probably already written about female Viagra, but you should definitely write a piece on the potential of this drug. Whats the impact, and how will men handle a society of more sexually aggressive women? Say your wife takes one and you don’t satisfy her, where’s she gonna go to get satisfied?”

Wow, Steve, this is a game-changer, with an unknown (at this time) impact, though I suspect it could really alter the course for a great many couples. Men are already reeling from the advances in position and attitude that modern women are making, and providing women with a drug which will make them even more demanding may send a large number of guys to the psychologist. Not, however, the men who come in contact with me, for these men will be directed beyond their insecurities and fears and towards an acceptance of this new challenge.

Make no mistake, Steve, women who do not experience sexual satisfaction in their relationships will not sit still and just accept it, they will seek other options and those options, as I outline in my book How High Should I Jump, revolve around finding an Object for their pleasure, if their mates do not measure up. This will make those few hot Objects, our winners and achievers, even more in demand, while making their Partners feel even less adequate.

No, Steve, this drug will tip the scales towards those men who are keeping pace with Today’s Woman, and increase the anxiety for men who are not. I think it’s a good thing for women and, ultimately, for all couples; what’s wrong with an increase in desire? Nothing, though it can create new stress on the unprepared Partner.

For a more detailed understanding of my views, of course, you need to read my book. Simple as that.

I wanted to touch again on the theme of Willingness. This is an essential attitude for everyone to have, the sense of being open to and not closed off from the steady flow of change which makes Life life. Be willing to look at things that may frighten or challenge you, be willing to explore territory that you never felt an interest in before, because it may be important to the woman or man in your life. Be willing to stay fluid and occasionally spontaneous and even impulsive, be willing to step aside your plans and allow Life to happen to you, as opposed to you having to always direct the course of your life (ha! What a fallacy, that anyone can actually direct’ what take place, since try as you may, Life is gonna happen anyway…)

We men are often constrained by our Reason, which only moves in straight lines back and forward, but we need to connect more with our Intuitive Imagination, which allows us to go wherever the hell we feel…

And as I said earlier, you have Death staring at you, that Fundamental Conclusion you cannot bargain with or evade, so let’s make good the time we have to get to the things we feel must, each of us with our agendas here only you can accomplish, or let it slip for another life of repetition, facing the same issues reincarnation one after the next till you finally get over the damn hurdle, look, Life/God/Pan/Onto/Apeiron doesn’t let anybody get away with anything, the Law of Justice IS, friends, that which is due a thing, person or idea is always paid, and besides, you gonna hide your thoughts and deeds from the Essence, man? Ha! God sees everything, and we and all our acts WILL BE revisited at some point for examination, oh yeah, trust in this…

And in the meantime, be purposeful in everything you do, and enjoy!

Comments
One Response to “Death is staring at you, becoming willing, and the problems of female Viagra”
  1. positivesara says:

    I loved having Milton on my show, he really cares for his fellow men and has it straight on the facts and mens needs today. http://plv-radio.com/blog/2013/06/03/june-11th-r-milton-quibner-men-what-you-need-to-know-about-todays-women/ shows times to come.
    I will be having him back on my shows in the future, and will be offering his services from our Unity Fund-Action NPO coming in the fall.

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