Milt at the Mendocino Men’s Conference, the Fraud that is Authority, and The ‘Get Over Yourself” Handbook nears completion

Well hello again, friends! Everybody thoroughly saturated with the Winter Olympics? Yep, thought so…

Me, I’m hanging in till Opening Day of the MLB season; until then, we do have some work to get to, including some thoughts on a very enlightening experience I had this week; so, why screw around, let’s get to it!

Every year in February, I take part in a Men’s Conference over in Mendocino, hosted by a very cool group of guys doing what I think is the near-impossible: re-orienting men away from macho selfishness to a more global awareness. Damn tough assignment and I applaud them, though their methods are decidedly psychological and I end up being the lone nut-ball philosopher. Oh well, I enjoy the repartee and the guys are usually quite amenable to my outbursts of enthusiasm.

This year, I couldn’t make the full 5 days and was only there for the much-anticipated Wednesday evening joint seminar with MenzWerk, an event I really look forward to, as it places an array of progressive minds on stage for the audience to lob questions at and generally pick apart. No exception this night; man, the so-called experts on stage -me included- were thoroughly ripped by an almost angry group of men, who just didn’t seem to be buying anything we were selling. Now, I invite any attendees to come on the blog and contradict me or add their opinions as to what actually happened, if your account differs from mine, but that said, I am boldly stating here and now the era of men turning to psychology for assistance with their marital troubles…is now officially over!

And I mean over, geez!

Now, sparing you the blow-by-blow details, let me just say that every one of us, after our opening statements, was met by a barrage of antagonistic men who apparently have had enough of the formulas and 12-step therapies most of my colleagues were selling. One guy summed up the general anger, “I’ve been doing everything you advise, all my internal work, and now she’s basically accusing me of becoming a wimp, when once she saw me as a man.”

Another guy said, “There is nothing empowering in what you people are providing, only reasons stacked on reasons and all these calls to channel my aggression. My aggression is what makes me a fucking man!”


I had never seen this at any Men’s Conference, frankly, men seething with such resentment and frustration. I got skewered for being flippant and crass with, as one guy said, “…serious subjects that are dear to me and here you are, mocking me.” I will admit to casting a rather light-hearted shadow across the proceedings and, as is my bent, in distancing myself and my approach as far away from the psycho-babblers as possible, but here I was seen as just another fraud peddling his shoddy wares. Ouch!

Now, of course I am exaggerating this to make a point, but I have noticed a real trend, especially in the last year, of men who are fed-up with formulas for how to deal with women, yet are not so quick to accept what I offer either (humility, self-deprecation and the deflation of the intensity of our problems). Nah, guys wanna hang on to their view of what’s troubling them, and I think in general the purported ‘experts’ in all areas are increasingly being scrutinized more than they ever have been, and are being roundly rejected. People, and men especially, are seeing through the Fraud that is Authority, and have had enough.

This is a good sign in any ways, as people now are taking control of their lives for themselves and rejecting the hypocritical experts. You shoulda heard this one guy rip this professor in psychiatry, OMG! And he was right, the expert really can’t care about you and your individual world, he can only really offer tired advice in formulaic pieces, whereas philosophy, of the kind I am immersed in, frees you to lead yourself. Sure, you do need a few guides, a few sources of information from people who have been through what you may be experiencing -which I hope to qualify under- but more and more the expert and his /her expensive crap is being flushed away. Good!


We’re getting a steady flow of emails for Mia and myself, and yes, Bill U., you can ask anything you actually are having trouble with and we will explore and advise in our dense, brief and direct style ( Yes, maybe I mock the serious-minded, but it’s all in an effort to make you see how really useless it is to get all caught up worrying. What good is worry, anyway? Doesn’t get you any closer to understanding and/or resolving your issues, and really only makes things worse.

Our booklet is almost finished and it features themes and our responses and advice for situations many of us face, for instance, advice on what to do when your partner is found cheating on you, how to deal with being caught in a lie, what to do with a jealous lover, or other painful or confusing issues, something you can turn to quickly and find something meaningful that YOU can do for yourself.

Here’s the MiltnMia Show link at ITunes:!-milt-n/id796661531

If you don’t have an ITunes player, you can hear it directly on TuneIN:


No relevant emails this week other than what we address on the podcast, and my, the weather is nice lately, think I’ll slip outside with a Partagas and enjoy the afternoon; you should, too! Take care…

2 Responses to “Milt at the Mendocino Men’s Conference, the Fraud that is Authority, and The ‘Get Over Yourself” Handbook nears completion”
  1. Richard Weston says:

    As a member of MenzWerkz, I was at the conference, and Milton is both right and wrong here. First off, MensWerkz took a different approach this year as we were actively seeking public input (criticism} on where we need to improve as therapists, and since Milton did not attend the opening evening, I think he was taken by surprise and may not have been prepared. In other words, we welcomed the criticism.

    There were really only 2 contentious moments, though they were intense and Milt quoted them closely. I cannot agree that ‘..,the era of psychology is now over’, though we are finding increasing resistance to some forms of therapy, though clearly not all.

    For his part, Milton was clever, provocative and- as usual- memorable.

  2. Garth Young says:

    Rich didn’t really get your point, Milt, since he is a therpist himself.That said, you should have been there for the whole event, best one in years bc everybody finally came out from hiding and expressed all their private resentments. I been to 7 of these and this was the best by far bc there was a real lack of selfishness, guys were more talking about the larger issues instead of just there little problems. BUT, you were funny as usual BUt I don’t know how many really get what you’re doing. Men like things in straight lines and your anything but!!!

    Just so you know,most guys are not ready to devote themselves to their women. Doesn’t really make sense to us. Sorry.

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