Balancing Intimacy with Solitude, the essence of real Friendship, and more World Cup thoughts

Last week’s men’s conference in Nevada City was interesting for a number of reasons, beyond simply a twist on how to deal with Loneliness, and among the more memorable notes from the evening (set in the old Gold Mining tailings above the town) was a discussion on familiarity and the need to be cautious before sharing our personal details.

This may be in stark contrast with the theme of the event,again, Loneliness, but perhaps not. My host for the event, Dr. Craig Richardson from Menz Werkz, agreeing with the general sentiment that Loneliness can be combated by thrusting oneself into the company of others and there, find commonality within a group, stated that he felt some degree of balance must be struck, and then asked, “You’re content in your solitude, Milt, and yet you’re obviously quite social and converse with a great many people, how do you achieve that balance?”

I offered this, straight from the pages of the Enchiridion of Corfu:

You gotta pick the people you are intimate with and who you share your private world and not just take a shotgun approach to everybody, because if you’re not cautious, the people you associate with and open yourself to can drag you into whatever mess their lives may be, since if you hang out with dirty people, you’re bound to get some of it on you. Time is needed to learn about the people you choose to associate with, in order to find out if they are worthy of confiding in or not. Take your time revealing yourself to others and resist the urge to confess or seek approval from just anyone, or you’ll wander from one strong opinion to the next and before you know it, you’re lost.”

This statement was received with quite a bit of confusion, and I spent the remainder of the evening doing what I could to illustrate how we can balance our need for intimacy with others with maintaining a safe and cautious approach to getting to know people. It is so easy to get fooled into thinking that, after a 5 minute conversation where you like the person and/or your thoughts and experiences match quickly, that you have found at last a true friend. Ah, not so; real friendship takes time and/or extreme experience to form, and what you get in that 5 minute feeling is NOT friendship, though it certainly can turn into it, in time.

To sum up the issue, yes we need to learn to cultivate and enjoy our Aloneness and not fear yet; yes we need connections with people who admire, like and trust us; yes, it can be balanced and the way to do that is to not rush into intimacy, sexual or otherwise. There is no hurry to reveal and confess ourselves to anyone, nor does real friendship require it; besides, we learn so much more about each other by our actions and how we treat one another than we do with any pretty package of carefully edited words.


This week’s MiltnMia Show podcast:

The Dangers and Delights of On-line Dating

We discuss the pros and cons of On-Line Dating and list what dangers and warning signs to look for, while outlining the positive aspects of the experience. Mia says, “You can be anything you want on-line, since anybody can pretend to be anybody they choose. The guy who is dumb, you can figure him out right away, but an intelligent guy can really fool you. Women don’t have the same intentions as men, they come on-line to find love and romance, where most men are there for sex.” They also discuss reader emails from people with questions about on-line dating.!-milt-n/id796661531

If you don’t have an ITunes player, you can hear it directly on TuneIN:


The World Cup continues and the USA has made it through to the Round of Death, after leaving the Group of Death. They might wanna come up with more appealing terms in the future, don’tcha think?

Ah, what do I know, it is what it is and Mexico just lost a heart-breaker to the Dutch, and next up, let’s all root for the hapless Greeks, who’ve never been this far; of course, Costa Rica is playing above their heads as well, so it should be a great game. Enjoy!

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