Milt addresses so-called ‘phobias related to women’ including intimacy, Interview with Toteras on Change, and Wir gratulieren, Deutchland!

Friend of one of my son’s has been coming around the house this summer, ‘bathing in your confident glow’, he said when I asked why he would waste his afternoons sitting around with me. A student-athlete of mine from a few years’ back, he dropped out of college when he could find nothing that interested him (a familiar complaint today, one I shared way back when) and has been unable to keep any sort of work. He was given a sizable ‘education dowry’ from his grandparents but rather than invest in college, he’s done what most -if not all- young men in his position (impulsive, confused and with a fat wad of green in his hand) would do: blown it on whims, moods and whatever strong breeze comes along to part him from his dwindling cash, including a 5 day ‘camp’ in the foothills with a team of therapists.

Uh-oh, yep, $1200 for 5 days of further confusion. You can probably guess my response, but let’s venture further down this road anyway.

He’s been increasingly showing up on my door this summer, and I offer his story here not to embarrass but as an example of the malaise and lack of purpose he and so many of his peers feel and face today. Greatly empathizing, I’ve been listening and directing him patiently, until yesterday when he arrived breathless and urgent, ton this way and that, having -again- forgotten everything we’ve been talking about after his 5 day ‘seminar’. The issue: specific ‘phobias’ related to women including intimacy.

Good-looking, intelligent kid crumbles around women and has allowed a catty, mean-spirited little witch (pardon me but I know her) to over-run his life and fill him with fear. I say ‘allowed’ because he admits he isn’t in love with her and really doesn’t even like her but she is so aggressive and determined to be his future wife that he puts up with her because, yes, he fears breaking up and her reaction and how it would devastate her and all the difficult emotions that may erupt.

Yesterday he got his ass spanked hard, metaphorically. In essence and in no uncertain terms, I made it clear his ‘problem’ is NOT all the phobias and ‘fears of’ on his ever-growing list but Fear itself and how he reacts to it. This isn’t new, but the damn therapists scuttled his budding confidence again and sold him another pack of phobias that MUST be treated, so, channelling Diogenes, I restored some perspective and showed him how to peer beyond his veil of phobias.

Now, it may be a thankless task, as my son suggests, “This guy’ll forget everything you said the second he sees his girlfriend,” but as I maintain to him and to you, dear Reader, we try anyway despite the odds and obstacles, for every good deed is its own reward, and like building a home, you must start at the foundation and gradually replace the shitty old rotten founding stones with solid and reliable ones. In time, he should have enough of a foundation to be able to see beyond the therapists’ horse-shit and navigate Life for himself. But what we all face is how to deal with and best react to our Fear: some choose retreat, others defiance, some acceptance and acquiescence, some -from schools where I’ve emerged- choose to deflate it with laughter, love, happiness, dignity and grace.

Fears are normal, they are intuitive indicators of caution and not phantoms to be run from. Learn to see the inherent goodness of every waking moment of Life, and Fear will return to its normal position within and only rear its head when needed…


This week’s MiltnMia Show podcast:

Interview with Toteras #4: Women want men to change, but to what?

I speak about the amazing background of Demetrius Toteras, then reads some text from the website set up in honor of the man,, which describes his life-story, before he introduces the interview with Toteras, featuring the issue of Change, its differing elements and the central issue of Change as it relates to relationships, women want men to change, but to what?!-milt-n/id796661531

If you don’t have an ITunes player, you can hear it directly on TuneIN:


Last thought on the World Cup:

Very enjoyable final; with mere minutes to go, Germany’s subs crashing the net with a spectacular gaol. Nobody wanted to see penalty kicks, of course, and the precision of that single goal sums up the German effort and is a fine final capstone to a great campaign and beautiful way to win a World Cup. The German’s did it in customary style and class, and have set the model for all other countries to emulate.

Wir gratulieren, Deutchland!

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