Stealing secrets from Pythagoras, learning to enjoy the struggle of Love, and Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (ROCD): serious illness, or bullsh#t psycho-babble?

The Pythagoreans are famous for believing the universe to be composed of measurable digits, at whose essence is Tone, which is held together and moves rhythmically. In effect, Rhythm runs the universe, though today’s spiritualists and New Age synthesizers have yet to expand their understanding and are still focused on what they call ‘vibrations’ which are claimed to be at the heart of all that Is. Be that as it may, cosmology really holds no great interest for me (I find the questions of ‘when, how and by whom did the universe and all matter originate’ to be pure speculation at best, and in most cases, an utter waste of time, attempting to prove the unprovable), while Pythagoras’ axiological precepts, however, do.

In fact, I have long employed one of his school’s essential edicts as I rise to meet each day, and, after breakfast, take to my notes and books:

I ask myself, ‘where have I failed in my actions; what have I done, personally and socially, or merit or rebuke; and what have I omitted that I might have included or attended to?’ This prism or template seems to direct my day and intentions; not that I carry around with me these questions to interrogate all the phenomena of my existence, but I begin my day thusly no matter the circumstances, orienting myself so I am -at least until the ephemera of detailia overwhelms- more or less set once again on my course, my course being the right use of the many gifts which the Creator has blessed me.

I also choose to accept strife or ‘un-calm waters’ as the norm, rather than the exception. In other words, I know that in relationships with people, especially in love, there will always be struggles, quarrels and even fighting, and since I accept that, I don’t struggle against the current when it occurs nor do I panic and insist on only pleasant and peaceful emotions; no, I have learned to navigate in rough waters and not only enjoy but celebrate the wild ride!

This, then, is my advice to those who, when fighting or argumentation takes place, feel their relationship is in trouble or are simply turned off when things get heated:

Learn to see struggle as an essential and important part of a good, strong relationship; in truth, to somehow see the beauty in this tension instead of running in fear from it. Tension, argumentation, strife as the old timers called it, IS at the heart of all of our relationships, it isn’t going away and no amount of mental blathering or pleading can change this fundamental quality of Love. Thus, instead of freaking out whenever your partner gets upset or emotions run high, see it a something beautiful, your relationship steel being tempered in the fires of Love.

The trick, if there is one, is not to get caught up in the back-and-forth or in what gets said but to let it all Be, knowing that to seek consistently placid and mild emotions without ever experiencing any ugliness is to seek a boring relationship with no edges or challenges, and who really needs or wants that?


This week’s MiltnMia Show podcast:

Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (ROCD): serious illness, or bullsh#t psycho-babble?

Today’s show looks at what psychologists are calling ROCD, or Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which Milt feels is fraudulent. He reads a definition of the disorder, where sufferers are constantly on the alert for signs their partners are cheating, and that analysis makes the problem even worse rather than better. Mia suggests the real problem is being defined by a label and people searching for the corresponding symptoms. “Some people like to identify themselves to illnesses so they fit in,” Mia says. “In some ways, we are all abnormal nowadays, but you still need some basic principles.” Milt asks, “Are people getting those principles in therapy?” Mia replies, “Rarely. The little problems in therapy become big and expensive ones, and rather than simplifying them, therapy often exaggerates them.”!-milt-n/id796661531

If you don’t have an ITunes player, you can hear it directly on TuneIN:


Coming in September: changes on the blog! Yes, gonna alter a few things, shift things around, drop this add that. Maybe it doesn’t need it but every once in awhile, I get a yen to shake things up, so stay tuned and get outside during these delicious hot summer nights!

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