Historical exaggerations in support of The Truth, our new MiltnMia Storefront, and How to tell if it’s Real Love or Hot Passion

Funny thing about scholars: should we blindly trust them or not?

I just attended, along with my gorgeous wife, Mia, a dinner party Friday night where maybe 30 or so people all sat around after our pasta and salad and listened to a young, enthusiastic and highly creative scholar deliver some of the most outlandish historical whoppers I have ever heard. Funny thing was, whether or not anybody else was able to penetrate below her very entertaining stories into the actual facts she purported to employ, really didn’t matter, except to someone like myself, I suppose.

No, what I’m getting at is: 1) fact is not truth; 2) sometimes a dazzling display of non-facts can lead to the truth; and 3) nobody really gives a shit where you get your information as long as your story is good.

We’d just finished eating and had gathered in our host’s beautiful living room, replete with marble floors and deep, luxurious couches, and had just received our drinks when the star of the evening, rushing in fashionably late, apologized briefly before setting off on one of the most delightful verbal adventures I’ve even been on, and I mean dazzling! Completely fabricated bullshit but dazzling, which any history or philosophy major worth her salt would easily see through; still, her pack of elaborate creations were highly instructive to everyone involved, including yours truly.

Now, trying to sum up the breadth of the expedition she took us on would be futile, but I’ll do it anyway, why not: her essential theme was that civilizations always collapse because women are eventually pushed to the margins of society and stripped of all power including what they traditionally wield in the home. As evidence, this woman (30’s, pretty, enthusiastic, with an advanced degree from a prestigious East Coast institution of higher learning), proceeded to spin a story of what she claimed were well-researched observations she’d culled from her training, stories which, to the casual observer, all seemed to validate her thesis, yet, upon a little examination, were filled with factual distortions. And I mean filled!

As she began her train of thought, I sat there listening un-critically along with the rest of the guests but within a few minutes, I just could not believe what I was hearing, yet the entire ensemble sat mesmerized by her dexterous display of historical acumen. I passed over the first odd reference, but when she began to outline a conversation between Messalina, Claudius’ wife, and Julius Caesar, my mind balked: ‘wait a minute, they never knew each other’, I thought. “Caesar agreed with her that it was time a woman became consul and led the armies of Rome, but fearing her, he secretly had her murdered…” she said before moving on to her next one, a real doozy, “And the emperor, Marcus Aurelius, did everything he could to create conditions in Rome where his wife could not take over after he died, and the misogynistic Powers-That-Be crushed the rising tide of women leaders in Rome…”

I sat bewildered as she continued on, turning to Mia, “This woman is full of shit!” I whispered, “She’s making it up as she goes, none of it is true!”

“Ssshh, no one but you could care less,” she replied, and she was right, nobody cared where she got her facts, it just sounded good and who amongst us could argue with her anyway?

Soon, she had worked her way backwards, into the Golden Age of Greece, “Socrates felt strongly that women should never have any authority over men, and that included the home.” (What? The Old Man said expressly the opposite!) The she went ‘sacred’, invoking Mycenae, “The sacred priestess class, which had ruled for 3,000 years with absolute peace and tranquillity, was poisoned en masse and a reign of brutal patriarchs took their place…” (Poisoned? Peace? The Mycenaean priestesses were vicious butchers!)

I thus tuned out and spent the rest of her talk watching the other guests nodding their heads in agreement and absorbing the apparent brilliance of her delivery. Nobody even once challenged her contentions, since it was a foregone conclusion that men have historically quashed women, so why quibble over the facts? And when it was over, several took to their feet and applauded heartily, the woman sitting next to me gushing, “She is so right, it’s been such a conspiracy against women…”

Then it hit me: wait a minute, Milt, does it really matter if her facts are simply NOT? She is doing what scholars and experts regularly do, twisting information to suit their argument, and since nobody cares where you get your info, nor is there any time for historical fact-checking, what actually matters is the quality of the story: was it entertaining, and did it send the desired message? (Oh yeah, everyone bought her argument and everyone proclaimed her a savant).

I had my opportunity to challenge her a few minutes later, when she was introduced by the host, who added, “Milt is something of an historian,” to which she turned and waited for me to either, I assume, genuflect or erupt in indignation. I did neither, “Very interesting and imaginative speech, I think everyone enjoyed it,” I said before melting away.

And, indeed, it was both, and by biting my tongue I learned a valuable lesson: the truth is, men have oppressed women, though not in the ways this ‘scholar’ dictated, yet how she arrived at her ‘conclusion’ mattered not a shit to anyone, that she arrived at her conclusion, and did with historical flourish, is what matters, like it, dear Milt, or not…


This week’s MiltnMia Show podcast:

How to tell if it’s Real Love or Hot Passion

After Milt introduces the show, and Mia mentions how some people like to linger in their pain, he opens their theme, How to tell if it’s love or just passion? Mia says, “Love will take time, but passion comes immediately. It’s the simple things that will show you if it’s love or not: does your partner pay you attention, or during sex do they think of their own orgasm and then fall asleep? Are we together even when we’re apart? The only thing that’ll tell you is time.” Milt says, “Women have a tendency to put the new guy on a pedestal, the greatest ever, until he screws up and comes crashing down.” Mia replies, “Women have more hopes than men, and since most women do not know who they are, they try to find the perfect man to fulfill them. We always look to someone else to complete us.” Milt says, “Essentially what takes place at the beginning of every relationship is passion and infatuation, for Love, as you say, takes time.”



Big changes on our website:

We’ve opened The MiltnMia Storefront, where you can buy select organic products bearing our official logo. Now, not only is this a mode for us to make a few bucks, we’ll be donating 15% of every sale to our favorite organization, fun by our dear friend, Vinanti Catsellarin, Voices Of Women Worldwide (VOWW), an international organization dedicated to giving a voice to the many voiceless women, young girls and even boys suffering abuse across the world. We strongly endorse their work and our putting our money where it should be, so head over to the website, take a look at our line of t-shirts and whatnot and spend a few bucks for a good cause.


The SF Giants are in the playoffs, a wild-card game against a still-undetermined foe, and despite our rather up-and-down season, I like our chances, for, as Bruce Bochy told his players the other day, “You have champion’s blood in you.”






One Response to “Historical exaggerations in support of The Truth, our new MiltnMia Storefront, and How to tell if it’s Real Love or Hot Passion”
  1. Susan Wooldridge says:

    Love it! A great one. Facts vs truth! I’m in Berkeley at the Monterey cafe. Tell dear Pia her bag and containers are looped over pool gate. The salad rocked!! Love to you both, back late Monday, susana xoxox

    Sent from my iPhone

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