Aristides the Just, the need for a F#ck Buddy, and MiltnMia’s Compatibility Checklist

I generally do not engage or respond to political ‘shots’, since we Plebes actually do not have a dialogue with our leaders and thus the whole idea of debating over this or that political figure and what they promise ‘to do for us’ is effectively pointless. Occasionally, however, I am baited into an exchange where I have no other choice but to offer my thoughts and stand forth as the sparks fly.

Such was the case at a recent get-together where, towards the end of the evening as I was doing my best to catch Mia’s eye so we could AVOID what I could see was headed straight at me, I suddenly found myself…well, unable to avoid that which I saw coming directly at me. I’d been staying out of the political discussion and finding anybody I could to talk any other subject but what was going on in the center of the room, where there at the dining table sat the bulk of the guests, all quite liquored up and all vying for the podium. I look upon such scenes as perhaps necessary -people gotta express themselves, like it or not- but not welcoming. Why, you ask? The truth is, I can be a rather polarizing figure, as I occasionally fire off comments which the majority of people find either instantly offensive to their beliefs, or just incomprehensible gibberish.

The debate raging at the table was whether or not an unnamed but famous female politician (a forgone conclusion that she was our next president) would deal more effectively with the ongoing ISIS crisis than our present Dear Leader. Upon hearing the gist of the argument, man, I wanted nothing to do with it and if Mia had been able to wrap up her generous flood of advice, I wouldn’t be penning this entry, BUT, she lingered and no amount of eye-rolling or pointing at the door could save me. “Milt, why don’t you come to the table and share your views?” came the call from behind me, and there was our hostess, all smiles and inviting me into the Lion’s Den. Damn, my fate is sealed…

After accepting a glass of cool Riesling, all eyes turned on me. “Most of us see her as maybe the most profoundly just leader of our time,” she beamed, “And some of us are a little disappointed she didn’t win in 2012, but Milt, I’d like to hear your opinion, do you think she will be able to deal with ISIS when she wins in 2016?”

Oh, boy, “Uh…” Everybody knew me and everybody knew of my habit of offering flippant and antagonizing remarks, and I think everybody expected just that, but not this coward, “Yeah, she’s gonna be great for the nation, just the leader we need…”

You should have heard it then, “Ah, c’mon, Milt, say something you really mean!” yelled Rollie, a guy who always takes the opposite side of whatever I say; always. I stammered and appeared befuddled, hoping that Mia would rush to my rescue, but no salvation was forthcoming. “No, she’s great, you’re right, a just and fair leader,” I said, to the immediate reply, “You don’t believe that, Milt!” said Rollie, “You hate all politicians! What do you really think?”

‘Ah, shit, here we go’, I thought, ‘do I actually say what I think or not?’ I sat silent for another few seconds, then, like Socrates, my inner daemon, my Voice of Truth, bypassed my hesitation. It was as if I transformed before their eyes.

No, the truth is, Rollie, we haven’t had actual leaders concerned with you and I, the individuals of this country, since Jefferson, fuck your Lincoln and the Roosevelts and all the Great Society horse-shit/

What? Milt!” came the call from around the table, but my daemon was loosed and there was no stoppin’ her, “Hear me out, you asked me and I’ll tell you, it doesn’t matter who they put up to run the show, those decisions are out of their hands and made by/

Oh, you’re not some tin-foil hat Conspiracy Freak, are you, Milt?” Rollie again, “You mean, the Illuminati, right, Milt?” Everybody laughed and I chuckled a bit, then brought home my hammer, fuck this crap…

Sure, whatever you say but never for a moment believe that you have just rulers, friends, these people, every one of them, is out for themselves, and your heroine’s form of justice is just like anybody else’s: whatever suits her interests.”

Rollie, “OK, genius,” he laughed, “What’s your form of justice and who would you vote for?”

Justice, Rollie, is that which is due the situation, what is called for, and not just which agenda you serve or who you owe. Justice, if you look at the figure of Athena, wears a blindfold, right? So as no to be swayed by any particular camp but to only weigh the situation. But who would I vote for? I see only 2 people with any actual principles in the entire US at that level, and they’re Dennis Kucinich and Rand Paul, screw the rest of them.”

Howls of indignation flew, including this doozy, “She cares for people, Milt!” I let the storm pass, and then saw Mia heading my way but, damn, interception! “So anybody from history get your vote?” Rollie shouted.

I paused again, ‘Should I? Oh, what the hell…

Yeah, a couple, Pericles for one, and/

Pericles? Who?”

…yeah, Pericles, but if not him, then Aristides.”

Who was Aristides, Milt?” came a question, and since I’d gone this far…

“Aristides historically was known as ‘The Just’ or the ‘Champion of Justice’ because he could not be corrupted by money, sex or power, he did what was right in every instance and never enriched himself from any public action.”

More outrage, “She isn’t a thief!” then another question, “Give me one example of this Aristides, Milt.”

I could give many, but you’re all familiar with ostracism, right? When the people would vote to have one of Athen’s most rich and powerful banished from the city for 10 years? It was usually out of envy rather than any real crimes, but anyway, Aristides once was up for ostracism and every citizen was required to cast their votes and, there in the marketplace where everyone stood voting, an old man turned to him and, handing him the piece of pottery they used to write the names upon, asked Aristides to write ‘Aristides’ on the shard. ‘Do you know the man?’ Aristides asked, and the old man said, ‘No, never met him but I am sick of hearing him called “The Just” ‘. What do you think Aristides did then?” I asked.

Threw the pottery away,” came one answer, “Punched the old man,” came another. “No, no, this is Aristides, friends, he took the shard and wrote ‘Aristides’ on it and placed it in the urn. And what’s remarkable is, there were very few people near them to witness this, except Aristides’ hated rival, Themistocles, but it was Themistocles who saw this and reported what he’d done, not the man himself. Think about that for a moment and name me one politician that would have done that.”

The debate just flew, “She’s the most ethical politician I have…”, “Well, it depends on if this was in public or…” and there suddenly came my lovely wife to at last drag me out of the fire…


This week’s MiltnMia Show podcast:

The need for a F#ck Buddy, and MiltnMia’s Compatibility Checklist

After Milt introduces the show, he mentions that their new booklet, The Get Over Yourself! Handbook on Creating Happiness in a Relationship, has just been released. Milt, “Today we are going to linger and look at the heart of the book, the Compatibility Checklist.” He mentions details about the booklet and what the essence is before listing several elements of the Checklist, “If you take this checklist seriously, you will be avoiding so many of the traps couples fall into,” then starts with the 1st Must Have/Should Be, “Being intellectually ‘level’ with each other.” Mia replies, “We all have different intellects, but in marriage, where we spend most of our time together, if we can’t share our thoughts with each other or challenge but not compete, eventually you’ll get bored. We are all here to grow and if one is and the other isn’t, you’re headed for problems.” They also discuss the need for a F#ck Buddy for occasional casual sex.!-milt-n/id796661531


After last night’s epic 2-1 Giants victory over the Washington Nationals in a playoff-record 18 innings, I am exhausted! What a game, and for all those who do not yet believe that the Giants ‘have the blood of a champion,’ better go back and watch those last 3 games, when nobody thought the Giants had a shot.

We’ll see, of course, how far we get this season, but with 3 straight wins against supposedly ‘superior’ teams, I like our chances. Go Giants!

One Response to “Aristides the Just, the need for a F#ck Buddy, and MiltnMia’s Compatibility Checklist”
  1. Susan Wooldridge says:

    The best. Xoxox

    Sent from my iPhone

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