Anthropomorphizing our pets, Screwing every man you meet: Promiscuity and Girls from broken homes, and Milt’s thoughts on the Super Bowl

Julius Caesar was headed to the Forum one day when he saw a bunch of foreign women with tiny, prettified dogs in their arms. The women were ooohing and aaaahing and making a huge scene while they lavished their pets with attention.

Caesar turned to a friend, “They must not raise children were they come from.”

I raise this odd historical incident for a couple of reasons: 1) childless women who go nuts over their pets, to a sometimes obscene degree, are nothing new, and 2) the phenomenon is reaching absurd proportions here in America.


I was on my way to the mall the other day when I passed the huddled group of homeless people standing on the corner where they regularly gather, their arms stretched towards we callous motorists and wearing their exaggerated pitiful expressions. Amongst the group were several children, all bedraggled and looking like they’d just come off the set of Oliver Twist. The woman ahead of me wasn’t paying a lot of attention and suddenly swerved to avoid one of the kids who was reaching towards her window, almost hitting a passing car before she sped on.

I’m a bit of a sucker for kids anyway and so I stopped long enough to hand each one a dollar. They thanked me and I continued on my way, pulling into my parking space, to find I was parked right next to the woman who’d just dangerously avoided the homeless kids. I knew it was her because I’d taken a fast glance as she swerved into traffic at the huge, ornate poodle sticking its head out of the driver side window. ‘I thought you weren’t supposed to drive with dogs in your lap’, I thought, looking over at the woman, then dismissing the incident and returning to my task.

I was passing behind her car when I glanced at her large red bumper sticker, ‘Happiness is NOT having a house full of spoiled brats!’

While the sentiment may have some truth to it, I instantly understood its deeper meaning:

‘Children take away too much from me having the life I want to have’, or words to that affect. Recalling the Caesarian anecdote I opened with, I received further confirmation of its inherent validity when I looked through her rear window, to see the woman hugging and squeezing her gigantic poodle like it was a lover. She held it close to her face then shook it and, though I couldn’t hear what she was saying, I saw her wag a finger at it, as she then stepped from the car, only to immediately return when the animal started howling, and I mean howling!

Oh my poor baaaaaaaa-by!” she cooed, taking its head and kissing the thing, “Mommy will be back in just a few minutes, I’ll make it up to you then.”

Uh, ‘Mommy’, ‘make it up to you’, a dog? Really?

We are transferring our natural affections for our children to our animals en masse, as I have seen this before and many times, I might add. We know friends who are childless and yet have many cats and dogs, which they ‘anthropomorphize’ to the point that they have near-human relationships with them and, in truth, treat these animals better than they do -or would if they had them- children.

Now, say what you want about how much love a pet returns, but the greater problem is, we are effectively performing radical population control upon ourselves quite unwittingly, by replacing what should be children with pets.

Not good, friends, not good…


This week’s MiltnMia Show:

Screwing every man you meet: Promiscuity and Girls from broken homes

After Milt introduces the show, he asks Mia to reach into the hat and giveaway another book, which she does, before Milt mentions today’s theme, Promiscuity and girls from broken homes, prompted by an urgent email. Milt speaks about a mice study which essentially revealed that when female mice are raised by fathers and are treated well, they are monogamous, but when no father is around and they are mis-treated, they will mate with whatever males come around indefinitely. Milt, “The study suggests that it’s critical for girls how they are raised and if they have a father in their lives. Maybe this explains a lot of present behavior in women.” Mia, “I see their point, but I kind of disagree. Sometimes you have a father but he’s just a figure, he isn’t present or he’s a poor influence. It has a lot to do with each individual and who they are in their essence. I think it depends a lot on the mother and the examples she sets. Sometimes girls come from wonderful homes and end up perverted or becoming porn stars. Sometimes women see a bad example of promiscuity in their homes and they go and decide to do the opposite. I think the greatest influence on girls is who they hangout with at school.” Milt, “I got excited when I read this study, because I thought, ‘I’ve found the reason for promiscuity in girls’ but you’ve shed some light I hadn’t considered.”

He then reads an email from a man who’s GF came from a broken home with a slut for a mother and who now can’t stop sneaking around and having sex with strangers and he’s wondering if he should stay or leave. Mia, “When both of you are going out and having sex with others, you’re giving her permission. So you need to talk with her and say, ‘We either commit to each other or stop this; why do you need to keep doing this?’ Tell her she can either stay or go her own way if she wants to keep having sex with others, but you have had enough. She isn’t a child anymore, so you need to talk first before you leave and teach her your lesson or share whatever it is you feel. Maybe the best thing to do is to say, ‘You go do your experiments, yes I love you but how can I love you when you’re sharing yourself with everyone else?’ So be honest, clarify things and give each other the chance to grow.” Milt, “You hit on it, instead of taking a negative view, you’re saying, let her be who she wants to be just explain your feelings and position then let her go. You’re not gonna talk her out of this desire she has, so let her go.”!-milt-n/id796661531


Alright, friends, today’s the Big Game, so who you got? My Mom and I, though we hate them with a deeply irrational passion, are picking Seattle over the Pats by 4 points; their D is just too good, they have no injuries and there’ve been ZERO distractions, versus DeflateGate and the general uneasiness surrounding New England of late. While I’m no real Tom Brady or Patriots fan, I’d like to see him go out now with another ring, but logic tells me its 2 in a row for the Thugs from the Northwest…

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