The blessing and curse of Motherhood, and Using Her for Sex: What Love Isn’t, with guest experts, Merry and Burl Hall

Happy Mother’s Day, everyone!

I will be wishing my wife and the mother of my boys, Mia, a more personal Mother’s Day later this evening, but here, I would like to pause for a moment and reflect on the meaning of this day and the general state of Mothering across the planet.

Mother’s Day should be a day when we all step from our routines and consider the impact our mothers have had and continue to have upon us; this consideration should then be followed by a sense of awe and respect for all that our mothers do for us. Having watched my wife almost die twice giving birth to my boys, and then the struggles she has endured dealing with all three of us, I have long felt the burden mothers have to shoulder is beyond being ‘fair’, and yes, there should be a figure of a breast-feeding mother carved up on Mount Rushmore to signify our respect for all they do.

Alas, and though we all emanate from a woman’s womb, you would think that the last controversial point of contention facing us would be that of honoring our mothers, but it just ain’t so. The idea of respecting and honoring our mothers should be almost intuitively and universally understood, but if a woman can’t breast-feed her baby wherever and whenever that baby needs milk, and if a woman can’t be the determiner of what goes on inside her womb, then we are far from being able to honestly say we respect Mothers and their endless, daily sacrifice to make our lives at least tolerable if not better.

Having lost my mother, Nancy, just three short months ago, today I very much feel the vacuum of her absence.


Every Mother’s Day before today has been spent at my parents, where whoever is around town will gather in the afternoon for a barbecue and a few gifts and tokens of appreciation for Mom and Mia. You tend to think these celebrations will go on forever, ‘hell, it’s just Mother’s Day, I’ll make it next years, no big deal’, but it is a big deal, because at least for one day, we are confronted by the idea of our parentage, a reminder of our origins and lineages and that there is something sacred to be respected. Sacred, yes, for the birth of life is always sacred, no matter what species it may be.

The truth of it is, however, that while we may recognize, at least for a moment, the impact our mothers have upon our lives, there really is no respite from their labors and there is no amount of well-intended words and thoughtfully purchased and/or prepared gifts that can alleviate the worries, fears and pains they, our Mothers, endure every single day.

To be a mother is both a curse and a blessing, but today, I think we should do all we can to lift the weight from our Mother’s backs, if only for a fleeting, heart-felt moment…


This week’s MiltnMia Show:

Using Her for Sex: What Love Isn’t, with guest experts, Merry and Burl Hall


After Milt introduces their latest guest expert interview with Merry and Burl Hall, hosts of the Internet radio show Envision This! and the authors of Sophia’s Web: A Passionate Call to Heal Our Wounded Nature, he speaks about today’s theme, What Love Isn’t. Milt opens with ‘the longest email we have ever received’, a message from a young woman with a hot boyfriend who, because of his behavior, isn’t sure he really loves her and lists what he does in order for Mia to decide. Milt, “This letter should be a blueprint for what love isn’t,” then reads the long and graphic message; in brief, the boyfriend shares her breasts with his friends, won’t touch or hug her in public, lies and never follows through with his promises and is cruel and belittling while never giving her sexual pleasure. Mia, “Just think about this, when a man who really loves you goes out in public, he’s proud of you, he wants to hold your hand and kiss you and show his friends. I know he’s cute and everybody wants him but those things sometimes are dangerous: we see a perfect body and we get fooled by the illusion of Love. Love is deeper than that; you want a man who cares for you and makes you feel important, not a man who constantly lies to you. How can you trust a man who lies to you, has sex with your roommate and doesn’t make you his priority? How do you want to be loved by a man? Don’t you want more than just having a good-looking guy next to you? Find a guy who’s gonna value who you are and treat you like a ho. Find a man who you can talk to, who you are attracted to his mind and soul, a man who is proud of you and wants the best from you. It isn’t right to let a man use you for your body, for Love is much more than that. He’s not even treating you like a prostitute, you’re giving sex for free. You really need our book.” Milt, “Why don’t we send her a free copy?” Mia, “Yes, and the way he’s treating you, it’s too much temptation to let him go because he’s good-looking, but if you don’t let him go, you’ll never catch the next better fish. Respect yourself, find a man who wants more than just your breasts and body, who can help you grow and actually have a conversation? You gotta love yourself more and don’t let yourself be used; you deserve more. The only one that can change is you, so go for something great in this life, and stay away from men for awhile.”

Milt adds his list of What Love Isn’t:

1) If he doesn’t really care for your feelings and actually likes to put you down or say cruel things especially in front of others, he is not in love with you.

2) If his friends always come first and he just doesn’t seem to be able to make time for the 2 of you, he is not in love with you.

3) If he won’t hold your hand in public or refuses to show his feelings towards you with other people around, he is not in love with you.

4) If he is critical of you and makes fun of the things you value and enjoy, he is not in love with you.

5) If he keeps making promises that he never makes good on, he is not in love with you.

6) And if he lies to you and keeps lying to you and then makes you feel bad for catching him lying, he is not in love with you.!-milt-n/id796661531


My sons, Priam and Orson, my partner, Vic, and my ‘adopted’ son, Wiatt, and I headed up to the mountains a couple days ago for some much-needed ‘time with the guys’ at our mining claim. It was just what we needed and we all enjoyed a productive, enthusiastic day high in the northern Sierras working and simply being together.

There is nothing like time in the mountains to restore perspective and soothe fears and concerns, and that’s why we will be headed back up as soon as this next weekend. I highly recommend it!

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