The Truth versus Truth-ing, and A little bit on the side: Having an affair to liven up your marriage

I made my annual visit this last Wednesday night to a private men’s seminar up in Grass Valley, CA. The venue has changed, and the sponsor this year was new to me, but I was heartened to see quite a number of men I have gotten to know over the years there in attendance.

I make a few treks each year to speak before men’s groups across California and Nevada but my sojourn to Grass Valley is something I really look forward to, for a number of reasons but principally because this group of guys are generally lively and filled with interesting questions. I was not disappointed this last week, and I hope the audience enjoyed me as much as I enjoyed them!

I’ll cut this short and get to the salient moment. Over the years, I have generally been ‘assigned’ my theme by the organizers and I usually don’t mind that, as it forces me to be flexible and spontaneous and not tied to any agenda. This year, however, I decided to choose the theme and I spoke of the differences between Truth as a noun, as we use it presently, and Truth as a verb, an activity.

Now, I am quite familiar with this dichotomy and the arguments attending it, but for this group of guys, it was a mind-blowing concept, the idea that Truth might not be some thing, but a process of uncovering the Source, as it is defined classically. I was asked repeatedly to re-explain what I meant, and I patiently responded that we need to alter how we view Truth and see it more as a process, again, of uncovering that which lies at the Source rather than a thing, an object that has its own existence. I gave all sorts of examples and did my best to be as colorful and direct as I could but I still was met with blank looks and shaking heads.

Finally a young guy named Roger stood up. “OK, Milt, I buy everything you say, not gonna argue, but what does this mean in relation to my relationship with my demanding wife?”

The place erupted in laughter and comments, and once it died down, I replied, “Women tend to see Truth as that thing that maybe they alone have in their sight, but if we understand that there is no single thing somewhere mysteriously out there called The Truth, and we should really me talking about Truth-ing, we free ourselves from yet another fucked-up belief system holding us by the throat!”

I am not sure how far I got with the approximately 70 guys or so in attendance convincing them of this admittedly alternative view of The Truth, but I did my best and the evening ended without great controversy.

The concept of Truth, friends, is yet another ideal that is not something only the Chosen Few have in their possession; in fact, you cannot possess The Truth, you can only…uncover it!


This week’s MiltnMia Show:

A little bit on the side: Having an affair to liven up your marriage

After Milt introduces the show, he speaks about today’s theme, having an affair to liven up your marriage. He mentions an article which outlined how a man had an affair and his wife, when she learned about it, responded by getting in shape and doing what she could to please her husband including more attention, which the article indicates has worked wonders, though Milt says, “I don’t think that’s a good recipe for reviving your marriage, do you, Mia?” Mia, “Sometimes it may work, so you acknowledge the good one you have at home. In some cases it may be exactly what is needed to wake up and realize, though an affair can lead to other complications. The affair is always good at the beginning, but then things change; and it’s hard to stop in the middle of your marriage and say, ‘Maybe I’m not giving enough love to my husband, maybe I am too tired and out of shape’.”

Milt reads an email from a man who references that article and tell show his own wife is overweight and has lost sexual desire and he is now wondering if he should go find an affair. Mia, “If you’re gonna have an affair, I think you should first come to your wife and say, ‘You’re out of shape and our sex life has gotten stagnant’. You gotta give the other person a chance to turn things around, but most people don’t honestly communicate. You need to come to each other and say, ‘I’m tired of you, look at you, you come home and drink beer, you’re overweight and our sex life is dead’. Men always forget about the woman, in all society’s, and it’s the woman’s time now. It’s one thing to be a little overweight but if you’re obese, you need to do something about it, since the problem has been out of control for awhile. The thing a couple needs to do is watch the signs and don’t let things go too far. It’s then much easier to find a sexy body and ignore the one at home.” Milt, “You said it again, that very difficult concept which everyone is struggling with, Honesty: if people are honest with each other at all phases of their relationship, so many issues just aren’t!” Mia, “Before you have the affair, give your partner a chance, try to solve the problems at home first.” Mia goes on to outline her thoughts, including the suggestion of being honest with the woman you’re having an affair with, or simply hiring a sex worker if things don’t get better. Milt feels the guy is being foolish, “We tend to fantasize about what we don’t have, but we don’t put much effort into thinking it out and what might take place.” Mia, “Sometimes we push each other to have an affair an we don’t even see it.” Milt, “This may be controversial, but women have a way of pushing a man’s buttons and they don’t see it as being a crime at all; maybe this guy is just tired of being badgered.”!-milt-n/id796661531


The SF Giants are swingin’ the bats well, and now that Hunter Pence is back, they’re energized and winning big. I’ll be heading down for a Dodgers game this week, an event which I am excited to attend.

This summer, please look for a wide array of odd-ball topics on the MiltnMia Show, including more Demetrius Toteras audio and a host of interesting interviews with guest experts.

In the meantime, as Mia likes to say, get away as often as you can from your cyber-existence and get outside!

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